SEK is pretty humid and warm lately. It has actually been pretty "dry" this year as far as rainfall goes, but it has been pretty muggy and humid. I really dislike the humidity, but I have recently discovered something I really do enjoy about humidity. I love going for a walk and hearing the birds singing and chirping in the trees and hearing those muffled echos you only hear on really humid days or in climate controlled botanical gardens. For some reason that sound feels both familiar and special. It makes me happy, even as the sweat drips down my back and my hair grows exponentially larger.
We had a rough Mother's Day. I almost thought I was pregnant. I let myself hope even though I knew I shouldn't. It was even more rough because for some reason, no matter what I said, someone asked me if the reason I said/did ___________ was because I was pregnant. This week one of our friends told us they were pregnant. I am happy for them. I really am. They will be great parents and they are excited. But no matter who it is, or how happy I am for them, I always hurt deeply for Sam and I every time I hear someone is pregnant. I long for the day I get to tell Sam that he's going to be a dad. I want to be happy when someone asks me if I'm pregnant...I want to grin and be able to say yes. It is hard to wait for that. It is hard to have patience and to remember that there is still time--that it would be difficult to deal with the stress of pregnancy or a new baby when we are still dealing with the stress of a graduate degree.
I will probably still allow myself to be hopeful sometimes. I think without hope I would go crazy from the waiting.
Sorry for the random post...sorry for ending on a downer of a thought. But that's what life is like--full of ups and downs, silliness and heartache--and you just have to go with it and take it as it comes.