Wednesday, February 26, 2014

My not-pregnant self

I don't know how many of you have Facebook or other social media accounts. I do, and have several pregnant friends. You may remember that we have been dealing with infertility and have been trying for several years to get pregnant. So, bear in mind that the infertility issue may have made me more cynical and bitter than people who haven't struggled with this. 

Okay, so many of my pregnant friends post status updates that "condition drop" their pregnancy in the same way people "name drop" famous or important connections.  They do this in such a way as to imply that pregnancy is the only possible reason the rest of the update could occur. For instance:
  "My pregnant self slipped on the ice today.  I'm so sore now!" Or "I went swimming today.  I'm pregnant, so it felt amazing!" Or "I'm so tired! This pregnant mama NEEDS a nap!"

Don't get me wrong, I'm aware that pregnancy can make you more clumsy, or feel more warm than usual. I know that pregnancy can be exhausting. I guess what bugs be is that it sort of implies that I, because I am not pregnant, cannot possibly slip on the ice, need a nap, or enjoy swimming. It makes me want to start adding "my non-pregnant self" (or possibly "my barren self?") to status updates. 
  "Stayed up late last night on a date with my husband!  My non-pregnant self needs a nap!"  Or "I went on every roller coaster in the park today. My barren self is so sore and nauseous!"  

Is that terrible of me?  My friends do it in person too. "I think I'll go home after lunch today. I just am so tired. I mean, I'm pregnant, so..."  Ugh. I need to remember to not do this to my single or non-pregnant friends if/when we do get to have kids. 

Tuesday, February 25, 2014


I woke up at 5 this morning. My back hurt and several other minor annoyances were keeping me awake. Ralph seemed to notice my discomfort. Normally, he would jump off the bed and begin barking his frustration. This morning, however, he crawled up toward the head of the bed. He buried his nose in my hair and let me pet him, the two of us sharing the space of my pillow. He fell asleep there.  So did I. 

Sunday, February 23, 2014

On Adorable Children

I downloaded the blogger app on my phone in the hopes that seeing it every day will remind me to write more often. So far, it seems to be working. 

We went to HuHot, a Mongolian BBQ place we like, in Joplin last week. We went with the Jacks for Elsha's fifth birthday and Sam's thirty-first. The cooks at the grill have a few "call and response" yells they do as a team. Elsha and Lizka have learned them and *love* joining in. "How hot?" one guy will shout. "Hu Hot!" The girls answer with the rest of the guys. The food is good, too, but the entertainment is top notch. 

Yesterday we went to my cousin Jono's son's second birthday party. The theme was Hungry Caterpillar. I made a caterpillar cupcake cake.  That evening, we got to hang out with them even more at my first Hickory Hole (a resurrection of an old Parsons BBQ place) experience.  It was delicious. They came back to our house afterward and we watched tv and talked. Atti fed us imaginary food while we all groaned from eating too much real food. They asked Atti if he liked his party and he said yes.  Courtney asked him what he liked most about it and he said "Cake!"  I'll chalk that up as a win for team Aunt Hannah. 

It is back to work tomorrow. At Chinese chef on Friday, my fortune said my life would find me on the water soon. I think that means I need a vacation. 

Thursday, February 20, 2014


I heard from a friend that the old blog site,, was shutting down.  The site had instructions to download your old posts and import them to a wordpress site. So, I made a new site for the purpose of housing my old xanga posts. I immediately got started on reading them. I started at the most recent post and worked my way back, leaving off at the end of my senior year of college. Reading my old posts made me realize a few things about myself and my life. They are as follows:

I used to post short posts every few days. I want to get back into the habit of doing that. It was good for my writing and good for the record-keeping. It is so fun to look back at what your led was like 5-10 years ago. Reading your own words brings back a lot of memories and emotions. I would like to have that record so that 5-10 years from now I can look back and remember this time in my life as clearly as I remember 2003.

I used to be very lonely and desperate for love. It is so lovely to look back and realize that 20-year-old Hannah would be so satisfied and content in her 28-year-old self's relationship and marriage. I am loved, and loved very well. Sam is such a good husband and man.  I never have to wonder if he "likes" me, or if we are on the same page. It is nice being secure in that.

I used to be very insecure and unsure of myself. I am still fairly insecure about a lot of things, but it is getting so much better. I give most of that credit to Dee, Claire, Caitlin, and Sam. Those guys have put so much into my life, constantly speak truth to me about my worth and character. If you hear it enough, you start to believe that you're alright.

This all came after seeing Five Iron Frenzy this weekend. Such a week of nostalgia and self-reflection.  Those weeks are good to have sometimes.

Anyway, other than that, it has been a pretty crazy week with work and church and helping people out. I'm thankful to be sitting on the couch after taking the dogs for our first run since the fall. I got a gnarly cold in November and I just got over it in the end of February. Then I was just crazy busy and still couldn't run. Anyway, I'm now terribly out of shape again, so I'm taking it slow on the running. During my insane cold, the weather was also insanely cold. Our pipes froze 3 separate times.   Ugh. It had finally warmed up a bit. It is nice to be in t-shirts with jackets again.

Well, I'm going to get back to the relaxing. Good evening, all.