Happiness, finally!

Just over two months have gone by since I last wrote.  November and December seemed to crawl by.  I think that’s one thing that heartbreak does to people.  I felt like I was stuck in mud, like I would never again be truly happy.  Thinking back on those two months, my memory is foggy and sluggish.  My last post was about waiting for my Messiah to come, knowing he would.  I’m not sure how I had as much faith as I did during those two months.  God has proven himself to me before, and this was the biggest test of our relationship by far, but somehow I knew he would pull through.  

Not long ago, our youth group was discussing Job and how he handled losing everything he cared about.  We asked the kids about how they would handle losing everything.  Most of them felt they would be okay, that losing their families, their homes, their livelihood (they’re in high school....they don’t have to worry too much about that part) wouldn’t change their faith or their outlook.  Even some of the leaders said things like this.  I couldn’t say anything.  I was on the edge of crying through the whole discussion.  I lost one person in my family and it shook me hard!  I know God is loving. I know he has the best in mind for us. But that he would take my mom away from us when she was so sure he would heal her was difficult to grasp.  I could explain it away saying “She was in so much pain, and so broken by cancer, taking her home was the most loving thing to do.”   And maybe that’s true.  But why didn’t he stop it before it got to that point?  She was completely convinced that cancer wouldn’t kill her, but it did.  I don’t know why she had to die.  I could go crazy asking myself why every day.  I suppose it boils down to the fact that being free from pain, disease, brokenness, and everything that isn’t the absolute *best* is the most loving thing.  God wants what’s best for us, and in the end, what’s best is for us to not be here anymore.  It hurts, but its true.  

So, November and December were pretty awful.  Toward the end of December, I felt less sad.  I wasn’t crying every day. I could hear someone say the word “mom” without losing it.  I still felt horribly sluggish.  I couldn’t get enough sleep (even getting 10-12 hours of sleep wasn’t enough!).  I assumed it was still just grief.  I think it was at least partly that, but there was something deeper making me exhausted.  I decided to go to the doctor and test my thyroid and see if that was the problem.  My thyroid tested normal.  So I got my hormones checked.  They were normal.  My doctor suggested insulin resistance might be an issue, so I got that tested, and she was right.  She started me on some medicine and I instantly felt better.  I fall asleep easier and more quickly, wake up easier and in a better mood, and have energy throughout the day.  I have lost about 5 lbs so far, I think, but I’ve been working out a lot too, so I’ve lost more fat and gained muscle.

I love not feeling exhausted and unhappy all the time.  I think it has helped my grief also.  I feel so much better about life in the last 5 weeks it is hard not to be happy and hopeful.  I still miss mom a lot.  I still feel like crying when I think about how much she’s going to miss in our lives and how much I miss hanging out with her and talking to her.  I even teared up typing that last sentence.  But mom was so full of life, laughter, and happiness, I can’t help but think that this is how she would want things.  After her mom died, mom talked about how she was sure Nana was still around.  There’s a verse in the Bible that says we are surrounded by “so great a cloud of witnesses” and mom was sure Nana was in that cloud.  I feel like mom is a part of it too, and that makes me happy to feel happy right now.  

Anyway, I haven’t been doing a lot of cooking/baking lately.  We finally decided to get a new oven!  We bought it, installed it, and the electronics in that oven blew!  Luckily, we bought it at Sears, so they repaired it. It’s beautiful!  I baked in it for the first time last night.  So, hopefully soon I’ll post some of the new foods I’ll be able to make.  For now, you’ll have to settle for a picture of my new oven:

The other thing I’ve been doing lately, since I haven’t been baking and cooking as much, has been knitting.  My cousin and his wife are expecting their first baby, Atticus, in the next two weeks or so.  His nursery is navy blue, light blue, grey, and white with an elephant theme.  So, I decided to knit him a baby blanket.  It took me quite a while, but I just finished it this afternoon. Here’s the finished product:

I am pretty proud of how it turned out. I hope he’ll use it for a long time and totally wear it out.  I’m glad he’s going to be a part of our family.  I can’t wait to meet him and get to know him as he grows up.
Well, I guess that’s all for now.  My husband is taking me out for dinner tonight.  This is our second Valentines day together, and my second as a non-single, non-Valentines hating woman.  It is fun to have someone to be cheesy in love with.  I hope you guys have a good evening celebrating love in whatever form you decide.

Advent

advent [ˈædvɛnt -vənt]
n
an arrival or coming, esp one which is awaited


I feel a deep connection with advent this year.  My church in Denver celebrated advent in their own, semi-liturgical way.  They tried to make each service almost ache with a sense of waiting.  I understood it on an intellectual level.  We wait for Christmas, we wait for the coming of the Messiah.  We partake in the waiting so that we can celebrate the answer to our wait. This year I feel it.  I do ache.  My heart aches, my spirit groans.  

Come, Thou long expected Jesus

Born to set Thy people free;

From our fears and sins release us,

Let us find our rest in Thee.

Israel’s Strength and Consolation,

Hope of all the earth Thou art;

Dear Desire of every nation,

Joy of every longing heart

The people in the advent story were waiting for someone to save them from their shame, their people’s oppression, their fear, and so many other things. They weren’t expecting the Jesus they got. They were expecting a warrior who would protect them, fight for them, vindicate them.  Instead, they got a baby.  They got a pacifist. They got someone who told them to give up everything they had to follow him.  How will the Emmanuel who comes to me be different from the Emmanuel I am waiting for?  

O come, O come, Emmanuel

And ransom captive Israel

That mourns in lonely exile here

Until the Son of God appear

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, O Israel.

I am waiting for someone to make my heart not hurt anymore, to repay what I have lost, to take away my sadness and give me joy.  Even though every part of me wants to “get over this,” I am going to allow myself to feel.  I’m going to let myself feel the uncomfortable ache.  I will wait for the coming of my Emmanuel because I know He will come.  

The New Reality

The things that make me tear up have been catching me somewhat off guard lately.  Things I would never have thought of: a recipe I wish I had, a conversation with the owner of a local herb store, the new side bar on Facebook.  
My mom battled cancer for almost two years and just recently lost her fight.  Maybe “lost” isn’t the right word.  Maybe she won.  Maybe the rest of us lost.  My family and I were blessed to spend quite a bit of time with her over the last month or so, since it became evident that the tables were turned and she would probably not survive.  Sam and I spent a week with her over the end of October and beginning of November.  I wheeled her around in a wheel chair, helped her to the bathroom, changed her bandages, loved her.  We had been home for about two weeks when dad called to ask to come home early for Thanksgiving.  When I walked in the door I was surprised by how quickly she had faded.  It was becoming increasingly more difficult to think of her as my mom and not as my grandparent.  She looked so old and worn out, and she said such senile things.  On Sunday she was pretty awake and alert.  My sisters and I sat down with her and we used my sister’s computer to record our conversations.  I asked her to tell us why she was proud of each of us, to say what she liked about us.  Her comments were so uplifting! She wanted us to go through her jewelry and pick out what we wanted, and as we sifted through necklaces, earrings and rings, she told us the story behind each one and why she liked them.  
I wish last week had never happened.  I wish I could call my mom’s cell phone and she would answer.  I wish my heart didn’t have to hurt like this.  But, it did happen, and I’m so thankful that it happened the way it did.  We each got to say goodbye, to say how much we loved each other.  We got to serve our mom the way she served us her whole life.  We got to celebrate the life of one of the most beautiful, strong, wild women I have ever known.  I’m so thankful that we had the opportunities we had.  And I’m so glad I was able to spend twenty-six years with such a remarkable woman.  On Monday we had a memorial service.  We remembered her life and shared our memories of the impact she’d had on our lives.  It was so fun to hear how everyone’s lives had been shaped by something my mom did or said.  I felt so honored to be part of her.
And now the journey begins.  Now we try to adjust our lives to this new reality.  Now we learn how to look up recipes and adjust them to being the ones she used to use.  We learn how to see “Chelly Moore” on the right side of our Facebook screens and not look for the little green circle letting us know she’s online.  We get to share our conversations that would have made her so happy and interested with someone else who will also find them interesting.  We get to remember and cry and hurt and someday we will cry and hurt a little less.  
So that’s how my last week has been.  Well, basically my last six weeks.  Now I’m past the wounding and onto the healing part.  I’m thankful for the healing. I’m thankful for being back at home with my sweet husband who has helped me through this whole process.  I’m thankful for the little things that make me happy during these days.  Here’s what I’m happy about today:
-I worked today and they let me serve in the middle section.  Granted, It was super slow and I only made $20, but they have never let me have the sacred middle section before.  It made me feel like my boss thinks I’m good at my job. I liked that.
-Tonight is my first Parsons Christmas Parade!  We are going to my aunt and uncle’s house for treats after the parade so I’m making two delicious goodies.
-I had an interesting conversation with the owner of the herb/massage/natural healing place yesterday.  I was telling her some of my issues and she said I should look into getting my thyroid tested.  If I can get that straighted out, it might solve a lot of the issues I’ve been having.  I find the human body fascinating in the way it all works together. It is crazy how if one thing goes wrong, everything can fall apart, and if you fix that one thing, everything goes back to normal.   I forgot to call the doctor again today, but I’m going to get my thyroid tested next week, hopefully, and we’ll go from there.  
-We finally actually turned on the heat in our house on Tuesday.  I love having a warm house. I love coming inside and noticing the temperature change.  I love not having to wear layers in the house.

I figure you’re interested in what I’m bringing tonight, so here it is:

Chocolate Chip Cheese Ball

• 1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese, softened
• 1/2 cup butter, softened
• 3/4 cup confectioners' sugar
• 2 tablespoons brown sugar
• 1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 3/4 cup semisweet chocolate chips

My chocolate chip cheese ball, rolled in graham cracker crumbs

I’m also making cupcakes with ganache filling. I’m thinking I’ll probably have some with mint ganache and some with regular ganache.  They’ll have buttercream icing and I’m sure they’ll be delicious!  I’m excited about them. :)

Cupcakes with centers removed for filling

White cupcakes have regular ganache filling, green cupcakes have mint ganache filling

I know most of this post has been kind of a downer. I'm really doing okay. My heart hurts and life is quite a bit different now, but I'm still doing okay. My life is still very good and I'm still surrounded by people who love me. This will sound cheesy, but I hope you find time to be thankful even in the middle of this season's stress, expectations and exhaustion. I hope you feel as blessed as I feel right now.

Christmas at Thanksgiving Candy

Sam’s brother, Isaac, will be home for Christmas this year, so we wanted to do Christmas with the Jacks.  Also, Abby just had a baby so they aren’t going anywhere for Thanksgiving this year (they usually do Thanksgiving with Jason’s family), but might be going somewhere for Christmas.  Those things combined made us think Thanksgiving with the Moores would be a good plan.  When mom got really sick it seemed like a really good plan.  So, next week, we are heading to my parents one more time.  Tiffiny Jack (my sister-in-law) is having Thanksgiving in Florida with her grandparents, too. So, Tiffiny, Julie and I got together to make Christmas candy a month early.  We traded what we made so that we ended up with a very good assortment of candies.   I decided to make a three candies from my childhood.  I made peanut butter cups, nut goodie, and english toffee.  

Here’s how I made the peanut butter cups:

Peanut Butter Cups
1 package chocolate chips (milk chocolate if you prefer, I like dark chocolate)
½ C Peanut Butter
½ C Butter
⅓ C graham cracker crumbs
⅓ C Peanuts, finely chopped
1 C powdered sugar.

Melt the peanut butter and butter in a sauce pan, stir in the cracker crumbs and peanuts, then stir in the powdered sugar.  Set aside.  Melt the chocolate chips (be careful not to over-cook!).  You can either put them in a pan (chocolate, then peanut butter mixture, then chocolate again) lined with waxed paper, or you can do what I did, and make individual peanut butter cups in mini muffin cups.  It takes forever, but they’re pretty great!

Nut Goodie

6 oz. semisweet chocolate chips

6 oz. butterscotch chips

1 C peanut butter

1 C roasted peanuts

1 cup butter

2/3 cup light cream

3 ounce package vanilla pudding mix (NOT instant)

2 pounds powdered sugar (7-1/2 cups)

1 teaspoon vanilla

Melt the first 3 ingredients together in the microwave or on the stove.  Do not over-heat, just melt slowly.  Line a pan with waxed paper, or use individual mini muffin cups.  Fill the bottom of the pan with a shallow layer of the chocolate/peanut butter mixture.  Set aside to cool.  In a sauce pan, melt together the butter and cream.  Add vanilla pudding and cook until slightly thickened.  Remove from heat and mix in powdered sugar until thick and smooth.  Add vanilla.  Spoon this mixture over the first layer of chocolate.  Add the peanuts to the remaining chocolate mixture and spoon that over the vanilla pudding layer.  Put in fridge or freezer to set up.  Cut into squares and serve (if using the pan method).

English Toffee
1 package chocolate chips
½ C slivered almonds
2 C butter
2 C sugar

In a heavy sauce pan, heat butter and sugar over high heat, stirring constantly.  It will melt and mix together, then  it will start boiling and boil for quite a while.  Once it gets up to about 250 degrees it will begin to change color to a light brown.  Allow it to change color and then remove from heat and pour immediately onto a buttered cookie sheet.  After just a few minutes, pour the chocolate chips over the top.  As they melt, spread the chocolate around.  Sprinkle nuts on top and allow to cool and harden.

"Hello, Grace. We will be good friends."

     I wish all my long absences were for more fun reasons.  Life goes from being fairly consistent and not very exciting (work, clean up the house, make food, watch tv) to being fairly full of conflicting emotions (hope and sadness are probably the front-runners).  Mom’s cancer has spread to the point that it has a grip on most of her abdomen.  Most recently, it has caused excess fluid to build up around her lungs, constricting their movement and not allowing her to get a full breath.  Sam and I went to spend the week with my parents in case this doesn’t get better.  I wanted to be able to have some time with her, to help her and dad.  It was so good to be with her.  She is so hopeful and full of faith that it is easy to be hopeful around her.  There were a few things that were pretty hard to see that week: watching your mom struggle for breath, wheezing and convulsing trying to get air is awful.  She has a pretty huge wound where the cancer has eaten away her right breast and one day I had to dress the wound.  It is just so painful to see my mom like that.     As hard as all that was, it was still really good to be able to spend time with mom.  I still believe that God wants to heal her and that he can and I hope that he will.  I would love for my mom to not be in pain anymore and to have her life back.  I miss her.  
    There was some beauty in last week.  My older sister was due to deliver her fifth child while we were there.  She said that if nothing had happened by Thursday (her due date), her midwife was going to help her “get things moving” (caster oil?  ew...).  On Monday night, Abby came over with her sister-in-law and my good friend, Nicole and her twin sister Natalie.  We watched a movie called “The business of being born”.  The movie was all about natural birth with a midwife vs. hospital birth.  It talked about the medicines hospitals give to induce labor and what they do to the baby and the likelihood of a c-section delivery.  They also talked about the mortality rates for hospital births.  It was interesting to see the statistics and think more about what I would want to do in the future.  The movie talked about how there is a fear surrounding birth, and I realized I had felt that!  I want a baby, pretty badly, but there is that fear of delivering.  All you ever hear about it is “Oh it hurts so bad!” And you see women giving birth in movies or TV shows and they always seem so angry and afraid, like they’re furious with their husbands for making this happen to them, or their husbands aren’t there and they have to face this alone.  So I thought about that some, but didn’t really know what to think of it all.  And then Tuesday came...
    Tuesday afternoon we were all sitting around watching some movie on TV.  Mom was in and out of reality, catching some sleep when her breathing would allow.  The rest of us were half-paying attention.  The phone rang.  Dad answered the phone and “oh really?”-ed and “okay”-ed for a while and then said something about “baby” and gave a thumbs up.  We instantly perked up.  Once he got off the phone he said Abby was in labor, but it was slow for now.  He said she would call when things were getting closer.   We waited and waited and waited and finally we gave up and went over there anyway.  Her labor was speeding up and slowing down and frustrating her quite a bit.  We waited for quite a while, and then we decided to not waste more of mom’s portable oxygen tank and also to let mom get some rest before the big event, so we left and went home.  At around 9, Jason called and said we should probably hurry and get over there.  Abby does water birth, and she had just got in the tub before we arrived.  The contractions were getting stronger and closer together and we all waited in anticipation of meeting the new baby.  About an hour and a half later, things built up to a breaking point and Abby was exhausted.  She told me once that you get to the point where you don’t think you can do any more, that you can’t possibly push again, or handle another contraction, and then you know you’re almost done.  She hit that point, and then she was done.  

    It was beautiful, and full of the strength and grace that beauty possesses. Being a part of the birth was so communal (mom called it tribal) and as far from fear and anger as I can imagine.  I am so grateful that I got to be a part of that before the birth of my first child.  So, after all that pain, hard work, waiting, anticipating, we got to meet her.  At 10:46 pm, November 1, 2011, we welcomed Abigail Grace Shalom Howard into our family.  She has dark hair and dark eyes.  She weighed 7 lb, 7 oz and was 19.75 inches long.  She’s beautiful.  She’s perfect.  
    Abby held her first.  She held her until she needed to get cleaned up and warmed up, and she passed her on to mom.

 

When mom could finally let her go, I got to hold her. There is something so incredible about being the third person this baby has ever met.  “Hi, Grace.” I said “I’m you’re Aunt Hannah.  We are going to be good friends.”


 


















And we are!

Abby expected her to be a lot bigger than she is, so most of her clothes are too big.  That’s why her sleeve is in front of her face. I think she’s waving hello to you.
    So that’s what I did last week.  I loved my mom. I loved my dad. I met my new niece.  I had a life-changing experience.  I was filled with range of emotions at once.  It was a good week.

Round Two!

Well, that post was long enough, I think!  I saw a recipe for english muffins the other day when I was thumbing through my mother-in-law's cookbooks.  They had gone to pick Isaac up from the airport and we had to drop a friend off close to where the Jacks live so we let ourselves in to wait for them to get home.  Since we were waiting, Julie asked me to make some biscuits to go with the stew we were having for dinner.  They turned out pretty good, so maybe I'll tell you how I make biscuits sometime too!  Anyway, I saw a recipe for english muffins and thought they looked like fun, though a little time consuming to make.  Since today is my day of relaxation, I decided to give it a go!  I already have some ideas of how to do this a little differently so I get more of what I was looking for. 

English Muffins
1/2 C Milk
1 T Sugar
1 1/2 t yeast
1/2 C Warm water
2 T Melted shortening
1/4 C Sourdough starter
2 1/2 C Bread flour
1/2 t Salt

In a saucepan, scald the milk, remove from heat and stir in the sugar.  In a separate bowl, combine water and yeast and let sit for several minutes until creamy.  Once the milk has cooled, pour into another bowl (I used my electric mixer) and use the same saucepan to melt the shortening.  Once your yeast has dissolved, add it to the milk/sugar, add the melted shortening, sourdough starter, and half the flour and mix until smooth.  Slowly add in the salt and rest of the flour until you get a soft (but not sticky and unmanageable dough).  I turned my mixer up to a higher speed and let it beat the dough for a few minutes.  If the dough pulls away from the sides of the bowl and forms a ball which  sticks to itself instead of the bowl, you've got enough flour.  But keep your dough soft, it will make for better air pockets in your finished product!  Place the dough in a greased bowl, cover, and let rise until doubled.  Once the dough has risen, place dough on a floured surface and roll out to 1/2 inch thick.  Use a cookie cutter, biscuit cutter, or rim of a glass to cut out the english muffins.  Place muffins on a sheet of wax paper sprinkled with corn meal.  I got 10 out of my batch of dough. Next time, I will roll them out a little thinner so they have more room to rise. 

Sprinkle the tops with more corn meal, cover and let rise at least 30 minutes or until they are tall and puffy.  You want lots of good air in your english muffins.  Here's the part that is a little annoying: cooking the english muffins.  Heat a skillet over low-medium heat until nice and warmed up.  Cook each muffin for about 10 minutes on each side.  Keep turning them to ensure they don't brown too quickly.  A few of mine got a bit dark.

The things I'm going to do a little differently next time (maybe you can try them too?) are:

• add a little extra yeast. mine didn't get too big of air pockets. I wanted a lot more.
• roll out the dough a little thinner so they have more room to expand. I let mine get pretty big and they were almost too tall because of how thick they were to begin with.
• I might add more sourdough starter next time. I'd like more of that flavor.

Well, that's all. I hope you enjoy making them as much as I did!

Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

It has been quite a while since I told you how to make your sourdough starter, and quite a while since I promised my recipe!  Basically, I'm a slacker, and I'm more busy than I realize sometimes.  I could give you excuses, but you don't care and you don't want to read them.  Instead, I'll give you an update on my life as a southerner:


Fall has landed in the SEK (southeast Kansas, for those of you not from here).  We finally have a break from the 100+ degree, smothering heat we dealt with for most of the summer. Everyone who lives here assures me this is the worst summer they've had in however-many years and I hope they're right. It was awful most days.  When I lived in Colorado, even on the hot days you could still get out for a walk or just sit in the sunshine.  Here, I felt like my skin would melt off if I stood in the sun for more than the quick walk from the door of my house to the door of my car.  Our last electric bill, the one at the beginning of the fall weather, was almost $200 less than the ones during the heat of the summer.  Thank God for 70 or even 80 degrees.  Everyone here is visibly excited by this change in seasons.  Driving around town after work and school get out, most people are walking their dogs, riding bikes, or just sitting on their porches breathing a sigh of relief. 

I am there with them.  We have had our windows and doors open most days, letting the house air and letting the scents and sounds of fall come rushing in.  We have sat on our awesome porch.  And this weekend, we went camping.  Sam's brother came home on leave from the Army for two weeks, and on his last weekend here, we went camping with his family and another family.  The other two couples each had a baby and a toddler and we had our two dogs.  It was so nice to get away from work and routine and relax in a chair by the fire.  I got to play cards, play with kids, hold sleeping babies, hold laughing babies, eat food cooked over an open fire, cook food over an open fire, and just rest for two and a half days.  The two problems I usually have with camping are: I always am cold when I sleep and the ground is too hard.  This time, I was sandwiched between Sam and our two dogs in a two person tent, so I didn't really get very cold.  The ground was still hard, so I didn't sleep well at all the first night, but the second night I was so tired it barely mattered that the ground was hard.  I was pretty sore from all the sleeping, sitting, and standing on hard surfaces that I was really excited to get home and sleep in our bed and sit on a couch, but I loved the weekend.

It was good to get to spend time with Sam's brother again.  We hadn't seen him since Liza was born in the spring.  It was also nice to spend time with the Shepards.  I haven't found many people I feel totally comfortable with  since moving here, but the Shepards are the type of people I can relax with. It is lovely and filling to spend time with friends when you have been somewhat deprived on friendship.  That sounds over-dramatic, but you'll just have to take my word for it.

Normally, my Mondays are spent sleeping and laying on the couch trying to recover from the week before the next one starts (my work week starts on Tuesday).  Today, having rested since Thursday, I am baking, taking are of Ralph (he has an ear infection again...apparently he enjoyed playing in the lake a little too much), and writing again!  Due to my long absence from the blog world, I am posting two recipes today.  I'm finally giving you my sourdough recipe, and I'm also giving you an english muffin recipe I just tried today.  So, i'll post the second one in the next blog post so this one doesn't take ten years to read. 


Sourdough

2 C Flour
1 1/4 C Water
1 t Yeast
1 t Salt
3/4 C Sourdough Starter
1/4-1/2 C Flour for kneading


Mix together flour and Water until smooth and let rest for about 15 minutes.

Flour and water mixed together and resting

 Add in yeast, salt, and sourdough starter until mixed together, then beat on a high speed for 5 minutes.  The dough should be really  smooth and soft.  Let this rest for 30 minutes or so, then dump onto a floured surface, stabilize the dough with one hand while rolling the dough under with the other hand.  Spin the dough in a circle, turning the dough under with each turn until the dough is a slightly flattened ball and the dough feels somewhat tight.  Place the ball on a floured surface, sprinkle flour on the top and let rest for another 30 minutes.  

Ball of sourdough after first knead

After the dough has rested, place the ball top down on a very floured surface and flatten slightly.  Fold the top half down until the top edge is now in the center of the circle and press down until the dough completely joins together.  Turn the dough around (the folded edge is now closest to you and then unfolded side is farthest from you) and do the same thing again, bringing the top edge to the center (where the other was joined together, not the center of the folded half) and pressing down again.  Now, you'll take the top half and fold it over the bottom half and press the sides together until they completely join together.  That is difficult to explain and my phone was being a punk so I didn't really get good pictures of the shaping process.  So, I made a very badly drawn diagram of how to do this.  Sorry if it just confuses you more.

Bad diagram of sourdough shaping

Now you'll just place your loaf onto either a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper, or a cookie sheet sprinkled  (pretty well covered) with corn meal.  Both of these will keep the bread from sticking very well.  Here's the hard part about sourdough, depending on the humidity and heat where you are, the final rise could take 30 minutes or it could take several hours.  I made some this summer where it over proofed between the time that I kneaded it and came back after eating a sandwich.  I've also made some where it took several hours.  Just wait until the loaf has doubled in size before you bake it, however long that takes.  You can bake it at about 375 or so for about 30 minutes or until you can tell it is done.  If you want a crispier crust, try baking it at a higher temp and spraying the crust with water a few times throughout the bake to keep it from browning too much before the inside is done.  So, I'll end with some tips that might help you:

• You want a soft dough, but not so soft it can't hold itself up.  If your bread is too flat, try adding more flour next time.   The amount of flour you add will depend on elevation and humidity, so if my recipe doesn't work quite well the first time, just adjust next time.
• After the first rise, it is best to not play with the dough or knead it much at all. I suggest just shaping the loaf.  One of the great things about sourdough is how big of air pockets you can get. If you work the dough after the first rise, your air pockets won't be as big and you'll end up with dense bread.
• Make sure you let your bread rise long enough.  Be patient. It can take quite a while!

I hope you enjoy this bread. It is definitely one of my favorites!